Demons Are Bad For Your Elf
by Deadly Little Miho
Summary: I dunno how to summarise it...it has elves in...and funny lines! Oh just read it for God's sake!


Demons Are Bad For Your Elf  
  
This fanfic takes place after Centennial Charmed but before The Day The Magic Died, (so the sisters are still under the impression that Piper's baby is a girl). There is one new character: Patience. She's Phoebe's identical twin sister who was given up at birth. She has the power of glamour, shimmering and energy balls. (Into each generation of Halliwell's one set of twins is born. The younger twin always has one witch power and demonic powers)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except my elves (who are based on Lord Of The Rings elves) and Patience so don't beat me up blah blah blah. Sorry it's not in chapters but I'm a lazy ass bitch and couldn't be arsed splitting it up. Reviews always welcome...as are offers from cute single guys! ;)  
  
"Paige, I'm still not sure this is a good idea." Piper Halliwell said, addressing her younger sister, "What if there's a demon attack while you're away?"  
  
"Calm down!" Paige said, "You know how to get into contact with me should the worst happen. I'm only a call away."  
  
"I know but what if you're in the middle of giving a talk and we need you?" Piper asked.  
  
"Then I'll get out of it." Paige said.  
  
"B-but what if they try to curse you?" Piper asked.  
  
"Piper, it's only a bunch of Wicca practicing teens." Paige replied, "Only a few of them there will have the power to curse a Charmed One and I'm sure we can counter the curse."  
  
Piper sighed, defeated: "Okay."  
  
She hugged Paige; "I'll see you in a few days then."  
  
"Yep." Paige pulled out of the hug. She bent down by Piper and addressed her pregnant tummy: "And don't you start coming while I'm away, missy!"  
  
She stood up again while Piper was laughing, "Have a good time, honey."  
  
"I will." Paige said, "Bye, bye!"  
  
She orbed out just as Phoebe came running down the stairs: "Oh no! I missed her!"  
  
"Yeah." Piper said, as Phoebe came up beside her.  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
"Oh well." Piper said, looking at her watch, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to bail on you too. I've got a pre-birth hair appointment."  
  
"Um, Piper is that such a good idea?" Phoebe asked, as Piper headed for the door, "I mean you're due any day now."  
  
"Phoebe, being pregnant is no excuse for split ends!" Piper said, "I won't be gone long." She put a reassuring hand on Phoebe's shoulder: "Don't worry."  
  
"Okay then." Phoebe said.  
  
Piper smiled at her and walked out.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Piper was leisurely driving towards the hair salon, listening to the latest song by a boy band member gone solo. She was tapping her steering wheel to the beat. It was a warm day and she had the window down to let a cool breeze in. Suddenly there was a bump on the side of the car.  
  
Piper stuck her head out of the window: "Hey watch where you're g...oh"  
  
Lying on the side of the road behind her was a blonde haired man, all dressed in brown and green, holding a bow with a quiver of arrows on his back. Piper pulled the car up against the edge of the sidewalk, hopped out and ran over to the man.  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked, kneeling by him.  
  
The man lifted his head up, revealing pointy ears: "Charmed One."  
  
"Oh yes, of course." She said, smiling to hide her annoyed status, "Innocent."  
  
"We need your help." The man said.  
  
"And who doesn't?" Piper asked nobody: "Okay, get up."  
  
She looked round to check nobody could see her conversing with the man as he got up. She grabbed his arm and pulled him to her car. She opened the door: "Okay, get in."  
  
"This is a strange beast." The man said, running a hand over the roof.  
  
"Yeah, it's called Jeep."  
  
The man smiled at the car. Piper rolled her eyes and pushed him in. She shut the door behind him and got in the front. She raced back to the Manor as fast as she could.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Phoebe was working out in the basement. She was taking her problems out on the punch bag.  
  
"No real active power!" Smack, "No active power prospects!" Smack, "No boyfriend!!!" Smack, smack, smack...  
  
She pummelled the punch bag until her hands were red raw. She felt a lot better about herself.  
  
"I may have problems...but I have a mean left hook!" She said to herself as she took a drink of water.  
  
The door upstairs flew open and Piper's voice called through the Manor: "Phoebe, Patience! Get here now!"  
  
Phoebe put her bottle down and ran upstairs where Piper was waiting with a very attractive blond haired man.  
  
"Oooh, where did you find him?" Phoebe asked, giving him the once over.  
  
"I didn't, he found me." Piper explained.  
  
The man was looking in awe around the Manor.  
  
Patience bounded down the stairs: "Ooh, you found an elf!"  
  
She ran up beside Phoebe who was still admiring the elf.  
  
"A cute elf too." Phoebe announced.  
  
Patience nodded in agreement.  
  
"Whoa, how do you know he's an elf?" Piper asked.  
  
"Pointy ears, bow and arrow... Lord Of The Rings." Patience said.  
  
"Maybe he's just an extra?" Phoebe suggested.  
  
"Nah, they've finished filming and anyway it was filmed in New Zealand." Patience said.  
  
"Maybe he's a lost extra?"  
  
Patience shook her head: "So, what does Legolas here want?"  
  
"Let's find out." Piper said, "Hey, elf-boy!"  
  
The elf turned round to face her.  
  
"Yeah, hi." Piper started, "Um, you said you needed our help."  
  
"Yes, my people are in danger."  
  
"What from?" Patience asked.  
  
"A great evil."  
  
"That could be anything!" Piper said.  
  
Patience shushed her: "What kind of great evil?"  
  
"A group of demons, the Darkhearts." The elf explained, "They come with magick the elves cannot overcome. They are killing our kind. You must help us."  
  
"How can we help?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"You are the Charmed Ones. You have more power than any of our kind. With your help we can defeat the Darkhearts."  
  
"Okay." Piper said, "Let's see what the Book has to say about all this. Patience, you stay here with Mr Pointy Ears while Phoebe and I get the skinny on these Darkhearts."  
  
"Hey! Why does she get to stay with the cute elf?" Phoebe complained.  
  
"Because she can control herself. Come on." Piper said, pulling Phoebe up to the attic.  
  
Patience smiled, "So, you never did tell us what your name was."  
  
"I am Eäráng, son of Aniën." Eäráng announced, "Prince Of Redglen."  
  
"Cool. I'm Patience, daughter of Patty." Patience said, with a smile, "I'm not royalty."  
  
"That can not be true." Eäráng said, "Surely someone so beautiful must have royal blood in their veins."  
  
Patience smiled at the compliment, "Well, I have been called the Queen Of Kareoke but..."  
  
"Found them!" Phoebe said, bounding down the stairs, cradling the Book in her arms.  
  
"So, what do we know?" Patience said, walking to where Phoebe had put the Book. Piper and Eäráng joined them at the table.  
  
"The Darkhearts chasing the elves are 3 lower-level demons who are after the elves immortality." Phoebe explained.  
  
"Oh dear." Patience said, "So how do we beat them?"  
  
"Simple vanquish." Piper said, "But they're fast movers. If you touch them they vanish."  
  
"Hmm, not good."  
  
"But there's a way round it." Phoebe added, "There's a spell here. It paralyses them so they can't move then we throw the vanquishing potion and poof!"  
  
"And the elves can't overcome this enemy?" Patience said, "It sounds like they're pretty weak to me."  
  
"They take over our minds. They turn us against each other." Eäráng explained.  
  
"Oh well there you go." Patience said.  
  
"I thought that mind control was an upper level demon quality?" Phoebe said.  
  
"Some lower demons can master it." Patience explained.  
  
"Can these demons take over our minds?" Phoebe asked Eäráng.  
  
"It is possible." Eäráng said, "I am not sure though."  
  
"Fantastic." Piper said, "The last thing we need is feuding Charmed Ones."  
  
Phoebe nodded, "But we have to save the elves."  
  
"Yeah, we can't just let Eäráng and his people get killed." Patience agreed.  
  
"I know." Piper said. She sighed, "We're just going to have to take the Darkhearts on."  
  
"Hey, you might have extra protection." Phoebe said, bending down by Piper's belly, "You'd better help us, little lady!"  
  
Piper smiled, "I'll go cook up the vanquish."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Okay! One demon vanquishing potion ready!" Piper said, walking into the lounge with a potion vial in her hand, "Let's go kick some demon ass!"  
  
"Sounds good to me." Phoebe said, smiling.  
  
Patience nodded, "But, uh, don't we need Paige? I mean you need her for the power of three spell."  
  
"Yeah, good point." Piper said, "I still don't understand why it doesn't work when you do it."  
  
"It's the demon thing." Patience said, shrugging. She sighed, "I'll go get her shall I?"  
  
Piper nodded.  
  
"Okay." Patience shimmered out.  
  
Piper looked around the room; "Uh, where's Blondie gone?"  
  
"Huh? Oh Eäráng?" Phoebe said, "Yeah, he's gone back to his forest place to get the other elves ready."  
  
"And you're sure that that is a wise idea?" Piper asked, "What if the Darkhearts attack?"  
  
Phoebe opened her mouth to answer but closed it again when she realized that there wasn't an answer.  
  
"Dammit!" Piper said, "We need to get there."  
  
"We need Paige and Patience." Phoebe noted.  
  
Piper thought about this then jabbed a finger at Phoebe; "Do you mind not being right?"  
  
She sighed, "We can't just stay here. The elves could be in danger."  
  
"Yes but if we go we'll be in danger." Phoebe pointed out, "And I don't want anything happening to you or my niece."  
  
"We're invincible, we'll be fine." Piper said, "But I guess you're right."  
  
She sighed, "I wish Patience would hurry up with Paige."  
  
Just at that moment Patience and Paige shimmered and orbed in.  
  
"Oooh." Phoebe said, turning to Piper, "Wish for Justin Timberlake!" Piper slapped her shoulder.  
  
"How was your convention, honey?" Phoebe asked, rubbing her shoulder.  
  
"Oh it was okay. I underestimated the power of those kids!" Paige said, "At one point I was floa..."  
  
"That's great but right now we need you to help us save some elves." Piper interrupted.  
  
"What, like Santa's elves? Little red hats and green shoes?" Paige asked.  
  
"No like real elves." Piper said, "Blonde, tall."  
  
"Good looking." Phoebe and Patience added.  
  
"Really?" Paige asked, "Any single el..."  
  
"Okay! Enough with the elf love parade already!" Piper said, "We need to go and save them from demons who are trying to take over their minds and wipe them out."  
  
"Okay." Paige said, "I was just asking."  
  
"So, how do we get to Redglen?" Patience asked.  
  
"That's what this," Phoebe said, nodding towards a small glass globe on the table by them, "is for. According to Eäráng we just have to touch this and we'll be magickally transported there!"  
  
"Okay then, what are we waiting for?" Piper said.  
  
She placed a hand on the globe and was suddenly sucked into it.  
  
"Oh, oh, oh!" Phoebe said, "Wait for us."  
  
She copied Piper and was sucked in as well, followed by Patience.  
  
Paige shrugged, "Well, here goes nothing."  
  
She lay a hand on the globe and was sucked in too. Lights flashed past her and she felt herself falling until she landed on something hard.  
  
"Ow! You'd think these elves could have magicked us something soft to land on considering we are here to save their asses." She stood up and looked round. Her sisters were nowhere in sight.  
  
"Piper? Phoebe? Patience?" She called.  
  
"Paige! Over here!"  
  
Paige looked behind her and saw her sisters in a magickally light cage. She walked over to them.  
  
"What are you doing in there?" She asked.  
  
"Well, I think," Piper said, "That we've been tricked."  
  
"What do you mean tricked?"  
  
"I think that Eäráng put us in here." Piper explained.  
  
"But I thought he was one of the good guys." Paige said.  
  
"So did we." Piper said, "But now I'm not so sure."  
  
She kicked the cage. Sparks flew off the side and she jumped back. "Double crossing little sh..."  
  
"Wait." Phoebe said, "Didn't Eäráng say something about mind control? Maybe the Darkhearts were in control of him."  
  
Patience nodded, "It's possible."  
  
"I say we vanquish the Darkheart's sorry ass then we'll know for sure." Phoebe said.  
  
Piper sighed, "Okay."  
  
"Hang on..." Paige said, "How come I'm not in there?"  
  
"That is a very good point." Piper said, "Why isn't she in here?"  
  
"Because I didn't realize that there were now four Charmed Ones."  
  
Paige turned round. Eäráng was stood behind her.  
  
"Actually, there's still only three I'm just a..." Patience started.  
  
"Charmed One?" Paige asked, "I'm no Charmed One."  
  
Piper smiled. Paige was bluffing Eäráng.  
  
"Don't lie to me witch." Eäráng bellowed.  
  
"Witch?" Paige said, "You've got to be kidding me!"  
  
Eäráng pulled out his bow.  
  
"Don't hurt her!" Piper shouted, "She's just our next door neighbour, Paige. She must have got brought here by accident."  
  
Eäráng didn't look convinced.  
  
"Pippa's right." Paige said, purposely getting Piper's name wrong, "I moved in a few days ago and I just went over to see if they had any milk and I saw this really pretty paperweight and next thing I know I'm here."  
  
Eäráng put his bow to his side.  
  
He waved a hand and a cage sprung up around Paige.  
  
"She will stay here until Brettni, Demni and Louni arrive." Eäráng announced, "They shall decide what to do with her."  
  
"Both cages are immune to witch magick, so if she is a witch and you are being untruthful she can not break out."  
  
Eäráng left.  
  
"Dammit!" Paige said, "Now we really are screwed."  
  
Patience smiled, "Not necessarily."  
  
"You heard what Eäráng said Patience the cages are immune to magick." Phoebe said.  
  
Patience shook her head, "No, he said they were immune to witch magick."  
  
She summoned up a small energy ball and threw it at the wall, which disappeared. She smiled, "He didn't say they were immune to demon magick."  
  
She threw another energy ball at Paige's cage, which also disappeared. She made gun shapes with her fingers and blew the pretend smoke away.  
  
"Okay, enough of the western cheese, we need to vanquish the Darkhearts." Piper said.  
  
"We can't vanquish them unless we can..." Phoebe started.  
  
"Find them?"  
  
The sisters spun around. Behind them were three ugly looking demons. The Darkhearts. Phoebe recognized their pictures from the Book. The one closest to the girls, Brettni, was short, skeletal, and scaly with straggly blonde hair. Next to her, Demni, a taller, armoured, dark haired, old looking figure. The third, Louni, was short, dumpy and covered in fur.  
  
"I think we may have found them." Piper said.  
  
The demons snarled. Piper froze them.  
  
"Phoebe the spell!" She said, not taking her eyes off the demons.  
  
Phoebe pulled the spell out of her pocket and pulled Paige up to join her and Piper. Piper unfroze the demons and she and her sisters read the spell to paralyse the demons:  
  
"Demons who move through time and space:  
Stay frozen now in this place."  
  
The demons screamed and as if stuck by glue stayed firmly where they were.  
  
"Okay, Piper, throw the potion." Paige said. Piper didn't hear her. She had her eyes firmly fixed on the middle demon.  
  
"Uh, Piper?" Paige said again.  
  
Phoebe waved a hand in front of Piper's face. Piper grabbed it and threw Phoebe to the floor.  
  
"Oh no! They're controlling her!" Patience realized.  
  
"No-one controls me!" Piper said, turning to face Patience and backhanding her.  
  
There were many footsteps as Phoebe climbed to her feet. She turned round to see hundreds of elves, all armed with bows and swords running towards them.  
  
"Paige, get the potion!" Phoebe called as she moved to take the nearest elves on, with Patience by her side, throwing energy balls.  
  
"Potion!" Paige called.  
  
Piper grabbed her pocket where the potion was but the vial had already swirled away into white lights before appearing fully formed in Paige's hand. Piper gasped and tried to blow the potion up just as Paige threw it at the Darkhearts. It hit them and the demons writhed as the potion took effect. They exploded with a flash of light. Paige turned back to where Patience and Phoebe were surrounded by fallen and bemused looking elves. She looked at Piper who was looking equally confused.  
  
"What just happened here?" Piper asked, "Where did the Darkhearts go?"  
  
Paige put an arm round her, "Oh they're gone."  
  
"Oh." Piper said, "Okay."  
  
Phoebe and Patience walked over to her.  
  
"A lot of them got killed." Patience said, "I feel so guilty."  
  
"Patience, they were dangerous." Phoebe said, reassuringly.  
  
"Yes, but it wasn't their fault. They were under the influence of those demons." Patience said.  
  
"I guess, but look on the bright side." Phoebe said, "We saved a lot of other elves."  
  
Patience smiled, "You're right."  
  
Eäráng walked over to the sisters.  
  
"You have saved my people from the Darkhearts curse." He said, "How can we ever repay you?"  
  
"No repayment needed." Phoebe said, "We're not in this for that."  
  
Eäráng smiled; "You are selfless warriors."  
  
Piper nodded, "Yep. But these selfless warriors are tired and would just like to go home."  
  
"Of course. But before you leave we would like to present you with this." He held out a green leaf shaped gem.  
  
"Wow, that looks expensive." Piper said.  
  
"It is the Leaf Of Protection." Eäráng explained, "It is for your child."  
  
He handed it to her; "Keep this around him at all times and he will always be safe."  
  
Piper smiled, "I'm sure she will." She emphasised the 'she'.  
  
Eäráng nodded, "He will."  
  
Piper rolled her eyes; "Yep, so um, how do we get home?"  
  
Eäráng smiled, "Follow me."  
  
He led them to a small glade. In the centre was a tree trunk, on which laid a larger version of the glass globe that the sisters had used to travel to Redglen.  
  
"All you need to do is touch it and you will be transported back to your home." "Thanks."  
  
The sisters walked over to the globe.  
  
"Bye!"  
  
They all put a hand on the globe and were sucked away.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Later that night, Piper was sat telling Leo about what had happened that day and about the gift Eäráng had given her.  
  
"The Leaf Of Protection?" Leo said, shocked, "That's the most sacred thing an elf could give besides their immortality."  
  
"Wow." Piper said, "But he kept saying that it would keep him safe. Even when I corrected him, he still called our baby a he."  
  
"Elves always refer to unborn offspring as he's." Leo explained, "That's all."  
  
"Are you sure?" Piper asked.  
  
"Positive." Leo replied. He kissed Piper, and then kissed her tummy.  
  
Piper smiled and laid her hand on her tummy as Leo got back on the sofa and cuddled up to her. 


End file.
